suburbabble.

Dear Family, I know I should be preparing for our big...

Mon, 23 Nov 2009 18:13:00 -0500

Dear Family,

I know I should be preparing for our big Thanksgiving feast in T Minus 3.

But do you really expect me to spend the night peeling and mashing and whatever-the-hell-brining-is when “Slapsgiving 2” The Revenge of The Slap” is on?

Didn’t think so.

Looks like there’s even going to be a gratuitous around-the-piano sing-a-long led by Marshall.

I know he’s not Dane Cook.

But still.

My beautiful 97-year-old grandmother with the seven-year-old,...

Mon, 23 Nov 2009 14:32:00 -0500

My beautiful 97-year-old grandmother with the seven-year-old, who was then three and rocking some serious face paint.

Love. Her.

Beauty, grace, wit and strength. She’s got it all and then some.

December 14th will mark the start of her 98th year.

There’s a reason why I’m posting this though, but I’m just not ready to talk about it.

Just do me a favor and send good thoughts her way, K?

Look what just started working! Needless to say, I now worship...

Fri, 20 Nov 2009 15:36:00 -0500

Look what just started working!

Needless to say, I now worship at the temple of Apple.

I have a strange feeling I must have been a Walker in a past...

Fri, 20 Nov 2009 11:11:00 -0500

I have a strange feeling I must have been a Walker in a past life or something. Because every time I watch one of these crazy family dinner scenes on Brothers & Sisters I am overcome with an inexplicable pang of longing.

I have just one sib. And one set of cousins. But for as long as I can remember I have wanted to be a part of some kind of big, huge messy fam filled with lots of preppily-attired kids and strangely precocious grandkids.

The kind that play competitive board games in the study and stage elaborate holiday-themed skits in the living room. Who dress for dinner in sweater sets and tweed, drink way too much good wine, and engage in the type of teeth-gritting table fights that involve eye-rolling, snarky repartee, under-the-table kicking, accusations and recriminations, and inevitably end with at least three family members throwing down their napkins and storming off just as the main course is being served.

Sounds great, doesn’t it?

And it’s not just on Brothers & Sisters. Or on TV for that matter. It happens in the movies too. Dan in Real Life. The Family Stone. Any time there are a bunch of well-dressed, well-read, liberal smart alec-y kids gathered under one traditionally-appointed roof that may or may not belong to a matriarch played to knowing perfection by one of the Diannes (Wiest or Keaton) I want in.

Bonus points for a gratuitously impromptu around-the-piano family sing-a-long led by Dane Cook.

And on a totally unrelated note… How bad is it if your...

Thu, 19 Nov 2009 21:38:37 -0500

And on a totally unrelated note… How bad is it if your Seven-Year-Old turns in her homework with a bunch of Frog’s Leap spilled on the upper right hand corner??

Question: Say you’ve just spent the day driving carpool,...

Thu, 19 Nov 2009 19:10:00 -0500

Question: Say you’ve just spent the day driving carpool, packing school lunches, finding lost library books, cleaning caked-on sneaker mud, overseeing book fair meetings, filling out permission slips, dropping off at Girl Scouts, supervising homework, whipping up dinner, extinguishing sibling squabbles and being force-fed countless eps of Phineas & Ferb. Not to mention the fact that you lost your beloved iPod to a case of well, having children. And then, say, it’s finally six o’clock. And your husband calls from the car on his way home from work. But it’s not to tell you that he’ll be home in five. Or that you’re awesome. And gorgeous. No. it’s to tell you that he’s on his way to the freaking gym.

So what do you do?

Answer: Ribbit!

Did I Mention That I'm Chairing the Book Fair at My Daughter's Elementary School?

Thu, 19 Nov 2009 13:26:00 -0500

The Husb: So whatcha doin all day?

Me: Book Fair Stuff.

Him: You’ve been working pretty hard on this.

Me: Yup. It’s like my new full-time job.

Him: So basically the Book Fair is keeping you from writing your book.

Me: Basically.

Actually, I think I need to get my hands on every single one of...

Wed, 18 Nov 2009 17:39:00 -0500

Actually, I think I need to get my hands on every single one of these bad boys — esp that sparkly Midnight Blue they’re calling Dorothy Who?

Personally I would have gone with Surrender, Dorothy.

What?

If the polish bitches get to name these suckers why oh why can’t I?

Know anyone who might be all the eff over Ruby Pumps, this...

Wed, 18 Nov 2009 17:28:00 -0500

Know anyone who might be all the eff over Ruby Pumps, this killer new nail color from China Glaze’s new “Ooh Ahz” collection?

Yeah. Me Neither.

1 Four-Year-Old Who Got Up At 4:00 am + 1 Seven-Year-Old Who Got...

Wed, 18 Nov 2009 08:24:00 -0500

1 Four-Year-Old Who Got Up At 4:00 am + 1 Seven-Year-Old Who Got Up at 5:00 am = One Beauty Sleep-Deprived 40-Year-Old With a Big Ol’ Cup of Coffee.

Happy freaking Wednesday!

mmmegan: (via nickibinds)

Sun, 15 Nov 2009 20:21:30 -0500

mmmegan: (via nickibinds)

When I grow up I want to be one of the cool bohemian hippie...

Sat, 14 Nov 2009 14:53:00 -0500

When I grow up I want to be one of the cool bohemian hippie chicks in the Free People catalog.

I’m sexy, I’m cute, I’m popular to boot!...

Fri, 13 Nov 2009 19:34:00 -0500

I’m sexy, I’m cute, I’m popular to boot! I’m vicious, great hair. The boys all love to stare. I’m wanted, I’m hot, I’m everything your not. I’m pretty, I’m cool. I dominate the school…

My apologies to both Kirsten Dunst and Hayden Planetarium.

But no one rocks a red high school cheerleader uniform quite like Quinn Fabray.

Save the Cheerio, Save the World bitches!

“If you want to look good, you gotta pay the price. The...

Thu, 12 Nov 2009 22:05:10 -0500

“If you want to look good, you gotta pay the price. The price is not eating.”

Thank God these ~~filthy, nasty whores~~ bitches are back.

Are these the only two boys in LA? Seriously, Kristen. I love...

Wed, 11 Nov 2009 16:23:00 -0500

Are these the only two boys in LA?

Seriously, Kristen.

I love Brody as much as the next plaid shirt-wearing bottle blonde. But you are — as much as I hate to admit it — that rare combination of a girl who is both cute, cool, and capable of taking a water balloon to the face while rocking the shiz out of a barely there Missoni bikini.

Why, then, are you are you wasting your talents on Jayde and Audrina’s Sloppy Seconds?

Oh yeah.

Because the producers told you to.

Still.

We know you can do better.

So throw on that jaunty fedora and a teeny tiny pair of jean shorts and go find yourself a Fackelmeyer or something.

Pop Quiz. You are a stay-at-home suburban mom if: A....

Tue, 10 Nov 2009 12:29:00 -0500

Pop Quiz.

You are a stay-at-home suburban mom if:

A. You’re driving around town for five days with your car stereo stuck on Radio Disney and you don’t even notice.

B. When you do finally notice, you kinda care. But not really.

C. You are rocking a pair of black velour Juicy sweats at the time, that — let’s face it — weren’t even that cool when you bought them back in ‘01.

D. The 1:00 elementary school book fair meeting is the highlight of your day.

E. All of the freaking above.

Let There Be Light.

Mon, 09 Nov 2009 15:26:00 -0500

Four-Year-Old: Hey Mommy! When's Mother's Day?
Me: Not until the spring. Why?
Him: Because I want to get you a present.
Me: You do? Why?
Him: Because I just do.
Me: Awwww! What are you going to get me?
Him: Well I can't get you anything 'cause I'm just a kid.
Me: True.
Him: But you know what I'd get you if I was 15?
Me: What?
Him: A lamp!
Me: A lamp? How come?
Him: Because I like lamps!

Every Sunday night I feel like the best mother on earth. Thank...

Sun, 08 Nov 2009 21:32:00 -0500

Every Sunday night I feel like the best mother on earth.

Thank you, Gabrielle Solis.

Notice I didn’t say hottest mother on earth.

Which just begs the question.

Do you think there’s some Barney Stinson Hot/Crazy scale for this?

If she’s a bad mom, she has to be THIS hot…

"I never wash my pants. I like to keep the night on them."

Sat, 07 Nov 2009 20:19:11 -0500

“I never wash my pants. I like to keep the night on them.”

- Nick + Nora’s Infinite Playlist

“Mommy can we go play baseball outside? I already got my...

Sat, 07 Nov 2009 14:33:18 -0500

“Mommy can we go play baseball outside? I already got my mitten.”